rothko

so if you'd like a holiday card, please email me your address -- rothko - at - pobox - . - com is the place. thanks!

with apologies for the all caps -- i just cut and paste:

WE HAVE BUILT A SPECIAL PLACE
WHERE THE SECRET PLANES FLY EVERY DAY
WHERE YOU CAN MEET OUR INTERNATIONAL PARTY.
WE’VE PREPARED A PRIVATE ROOM
AND A COMPLIMENTARY ORANGE SUIT.
WELCOME TO THE INTERNATIONAL PARTY.
AND YOU WILL NEVER GO HOME
UNTIL YOU SAY YOU WERE WRONG.
UNTIL THE PLACES YOU LOVE
COMPLETELY BELONG TO US.

WE WONT EAT
AND WE WONT SLEEP
UNTIL WE GET THAT OIL BENEATH YOUR FEET.
WE NEED IT FOR OUR INTERNATIONAL PARTY.
AND IF YOU RAIN ON OUR PARADE
WE’LL TURN YOUR HOMES INTO YOUR GRAVES.
YOU DONT REFUSE THE INTERNATIONAL PARTY.
AND WE WILL NEVER GIVE UP.
AND WE WILL NEVER BACK OFF.
AND WE WILL NEVER BACK DOWN.
AND THERE ARE MILLIONS OF US.

WE HAVE A MAN IN A ROOM
WITH A PHOTOGRAPH OF YOU
AND A VERY LONG LIST.
WE REALLY GET AROUND
EVERYBODY’S WRITTEN DOWN
NO-ONE EVER GETS MISSED.
WE KNOW YOU THROUGH AND THROUGH
KNOW MORE ABOUT YOU
THAN YOU KNOW ABOUT YOURSELF.
WE’VE GOT A MAGICAL MACHINE
THAT HEARS EVERY WORD YOU SPEAK
AND IT CAN WRITE IT ALL DOWN.
SO YOU’D BETTER WATCH YOUR MOUTH
OR WE’LL COME AND KNOCK ON YOUR DOOR.

WE ARE THE LIARS AND VIPERS AND JOKES AND FAKES
EVERYWHERE YOU GO.
THE LIARS AND VIPERS AND JOKES AND FAKES
ON YOUR RADIO.
WE ARE THE LIARS AND THE VIPERS AND THE JOKES AND THE FAKES
IN THE DRIVERS SEAT.
WE ARE THE LIARS AND THE VIPERS AND THE CLOWNS
AT THE WHEEL OF HISTORY.
AND YOU ARE NOTHING MORE THAN MEAT
SO LISTEN CAREFULLY-

UNLESS WE GET EXACTLY WHAT WE WANT.
YOU’LL SEE EXACTLY WHAT WE ARE.
UNLESS WE GET EXACTLY WHAT WE WANT.
YOU’LL SEE EXACTLY WHO WE ARE.

NOW YOU ALL BELONG TO US.
NOW YOU ALL BELONG TO US.
NOW YOU ALL BELONG TO US.
NOW YOU ALL BELONG TO US.
NOW YOU ALL BELONG TO US

More lyrics: http://www.lyricsmania.com/liars,_vipers,_jokes_and_fakes_lyrics_whitey.html
All about Whitey: http://www.musictory.com/music/Whitey

I got NO sleep on Sunday night -- malfunctioning a/c and 83 degrees in the bedroom -- and so yesterday I was all manicky and agitated. Like not the fun kind of manic, but the kind where you're all wound up with no visible path to take to release it all, and it feeds on itself... spent a bunch of money in the morning after work and then chased my own tail for the rest of the day. Tried to nap but it didn't work. Took some extra Abilify around 7 and it calmed me down a little. Finally some release in bed with mathew and then I slept better last night. Up every hour, but I did sleep in between.

I just hope today is better.

"Manic Screaming"

We should make all spiritual talk
simple today:
God is trying to sell you something,
but you don't want to buy.
That is what your suffering is:
your fantastic haggling,
your manic screaming over the price!

that's SO where i'm at with the sufi stuff right now. self-effacement is NOT the way i want to go. i LIKE my attachments, dammit.

so i saw the dr., we tweaked the meds and stuff, and i've had a couple nice and normal days now. now it's just a matter of waiting to see whether the lower dosage works. i'm between 150 and 225mg of effexor -- 187.5.

i know gita says never to get tattoos while you're manic, but i think 37.5 (smallest effective dose of effexor) on the back of my neck or something would be apt. that shit pwns my ass.

Leave me dreaming on the bed
see you right back here tomorrow
for the next round.
Keep this scene inside your head
as the bruises turn to yellow
and the swelling goes down.

And if you're ever around, in the city or the suburbs, of this town,
Be sure to come around
I'll be wallowing in sorrow, wearing a frown, like Pierrot the clown.

Saw you crashing 'round the bay
never seen you act so shallow
or look so brown.
Remembered all the things you'd say
how your promises went hollow
as you threw me to the ground.

And if you're ever around, in the backstreets or the alleys, of this town.
Be sure to come around
I'll be wallowing in pity, wearing a frown, like Pierrot the clown.

When I dream, I dream of your lips,
When I dream, I dream of your kiss,
When I dream, I dream of your fists,
your fists,
your fists..

Leave me bleeding on the bed
see you right back here tomorrow
for the next round.
Keep this scene inside your head
as the bruises turn to yellow
and the swelling goes down..

And if you're ever around, in the city or the suburbs, of this town
be sure to come around
I'll be wallowing in sorrow, wearing a frown, like Pierrot the clown,
Pierrot the clown,
Pierrot the clown,
Pierrot the clown,
Pierrot the clown.

* these fucking cappuccinos are impossible; i'll never manage it.
* you are so hit-and-miss with your shots; chances are your drinks are going to be hideous.
* you don't have what it takes; you think you're hot shit but you're soooooooooooo not.


facts:
* no, they're not impossible. you've done them before, you just need consistency. which is why you need to get off the interwebs and keep doing them over and over again instead of getting discouraged and stepping away to go procrastinate.
* you're having a hard time getting respectable shots out of the home machine but you know for a fact you can do really well with the aurelias. so chillax.
* dude, seriously, chill the fuck out. everybody at the home office was pretty pleased and impressed. and you know damn well you would have done way better if a couple key things hadn't gone wrong -- and you know how to avoid those things now. so jesus, back off already with the negativity and get back in there.

I wrote a poem on a dog biscuit
And your dog refused to look at it
So I got drunk and looked at the Empire State Building
It was no bigger than a nickel

And if it don't improve
Then I have to move
I never thought that I would end up here
Maybe I should just change my style
But I feel alright when you smile

I stayed at home on the Fourth of July
And I pulled the shades so I didn't have to see the sky
And I decided to have a Bed In
But I forgot to invite anybody

And when I fell asleep
The neighbors had a peep
I never thought that I would end up here
Maybe I should just change my style
But I feel alright when you smile

so, barista competition.

four sensory judges, one or two technical judges, and a head judge. while the technical judges scrutinize your every single move, you make four espressos, four cappuccinos, and four "signature drinks" for the sensory judges. the head judge looks on, tastes a bit, and does more judgey things. not only are you making drinks, but you're presenting them and talking to the judges about them. you have 15 minutes in which to do all this. you get up to 6 points on each line of the score sheets -- most of the points are about flavor and appearance, and lots of technical points. your signature drink is a drink you make up yourself. mine involves tangerines and chocolate. it's difficult -- the shot has to be *perfect* or it'll end up a bitter nightmare.

barista competitions. who knew, right? ;-)